A new year is dawning. Can you believe that 2016 is upon us? As I prepared for the new year and diligently prayed for “my word” to live by this year, the only one that kept coming up was “selfish”.
That would not do. After all, I stopped speaking negative words into my spirit a long time ago. And I must say that reversing 30+ years of self-defeating talk was not an easy task. I did not want to go back there! However, I’ve learned through the years that if I’m ever going to become a better person, I need to take all feedback and shed some light on it within the context of the Word of God. So, I considered it. Could there be truth that this was my word for 2016? I’m a bit embarrassed to say, that while not my word, it brought a new sense of clarity to what my word really was, courage.
You see, I’ve been harboring a deep secret for many years now and have shared it with only a select few. From what I was told recently by one of my high school classmates, I’ve always done a stellar job throughout my life at hiding things even in my teen years. I’m certain, at one time, keeping things to myself was a safety mechanism I used for protection. But, it’s become clear to me that the secret I reference here needs to be told. I realize it’s not fair to keep it to myself especially if my experiences could save someone else pain and heartache. The good news is that I’ve already written about my topic extensively on my computer so much so that it could fill the pages of a book. Who knows? I might even find the courage to submit it to a publisher or agent this year. But in the meantime, what good is writing down all these fabulous stories of overcoming obstacles and receiving healing if I’m not willing to share them? So, here goes.
To give you a little background on me, for 27 years of my life, I lived with a bravado. I felt comfort in knowing I had everything under control. (Laughs hysterically.) Then, there came a day when I hit rock bottom. My world came crashing down around me, and I found myself lying on my bed crying for days, my heart filled with hopelessness. I had reached the end of myself and knew I, alone, could not handle one more day in the direction I was headed. In hindsight, this was the second time in my life I felt desperately alone and unworthy. I was fortunate that on both occasions, someone saved me. The first time, it was a young man, a friend. We built cushion forts as Seniors in high school, crawled inside and talked for hours. Really, we just talked. The simple act of him listening to me and hearing me was one of the most powerful gifts any human had ever given me up to that point. So, I continued on till almost exactly ten years later, when I found myself all grown up with milestones and accomplishments to my credit, but completely void of love and hope. I couldn’t even hide my desperation any longer. It took just one friend saying, “Hi Honey, how are you?” and I crumbled. Before I knew it, four amazing women of faith stood gathered around me, and they prayed. This time, it was another man that saved me. His name? Jesus.
Everything I thought I knew and understood about Christianity before that day existed only in the space between my ears. There was nothing new you could tell me, or so I thought. After all, I grew up in church and I heard the stories about Jesus and heaven and faith. I memorized the prayers, and I walked confidently thinking I understood. Imagine my surprise when all of that changed. As Dr. Seuss said of the Grinch, my heart grew three sizes that day. I couldn’t tell you a word those women prayed over me as I could not hear them over my sobbing. What I can tell you is that my heart finally caught up with my head. For the first time, I felt the love of Jesus and knew—completely knew—it was all true and that I was not alone, nor had I ever been.
Of course, my circumstances stayed the same and I had a lot of growing and learning to do. To this day, the Lord still isn’t done with me yet. That is why I invite you to join me along life’s journey. This is a process, not a project with a beginning and an end. Finding my way from brokenhearted to whole did not happen overnight. But, it did happen, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
Can you relate? Have you ever felt worthless or unloved? I’ve spent enough years ministering to women to know there might be someone, somewhere on this planet that can relate. If that is you, please enter your email address to the right to receive future postings in your inbox or join me at any of my social media outlets for inspirational blurbs and quotes. Each Wednesday, I intend to share another lesson I’ve learned. The writing might not be eloquent or the thoughts precise and powerful, but I’ll do my best. After all, if the hard journey I’ve taken can help even one person, I’m willing to be courageous and share. I welcome any feedback from you, my reader.
May God bless you as you seek Him this week!
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